12.24.2004
it's snowing!! shaun's first christmas has snow....wow - big props to the j!!!!
10:24 AM 
12.19.2004
joshua, kristen, and judah showed up on saturday night and surprised us. it was awesome to see you guys and way, way too short....
aimee and i are getting ready to enjoy the first of two weeks off from work! very exciting stuff....
9:22 PM
12.17.2004
the new blog design should work in opera (pc), safari, and firefox (pc and mac)...
it definitely does not work in internet crapsplorer...i'm just not that smart yet! if you would be so kind to let me know what you think of the design, any ideas to make it better, and any bugs, i would very much appreciate it!!
9:43 AM
ok...here's the quote of the day:
"Yeah, but Em, you say that out loud and God writes that shit down! You gotta be careful what you say!"
9:06 AM
12.16.2004
i don't know how to go on this morning. as rich said, "it's so hot inside my soul, i swear there must be blisters on my heart."
i am really discouraged and don't know how to step out of it. i have been living my life like this for 8 long years - giving, losing, trying...
most 22 year olds i know don't know where they've been, where they are, or where they are going, but i gave my life to a mission and have stuck with it with all the ups and downs, goods and bads. i've watched my best friends walk away one by one, watched the same friends and others make money, buy houses, buy cars, live lives of comfort. i've had my family slowly pull away, tell me i'm crazy to my face, tell me that i am in a cult or that i am way off the mark in living the way that i do and serving those that i do.
even after all of this, when i try to find some way to take care of my family, i'm accused of trying to "get the most for the least" by one of the closest people to me. if they don't know my heart by now, what's the point?
even still, i wake up every morning with the drive to make a difference - no matter how small and then i'm discouraged by what little difference my life actually makes. i never feel like i've given or done enough - not in some guilty, shameful way, but an inner heart, driven way.
i want to walk away from the pain and loss. i want to not have to see people i love suffering. as a matter of fact, i want to not love them at all. i want to find a place where everyone is healthy and whole and functional.
i want to embrace the pain. i want to love deeply. i want to walk with people through their suffering. i want the power of god to work in me to heal and make whole.
somewhere i must be missing the mark. i don't quite know where.
i just know that i don't know how to go on in the midst of the pain of others and my own pain.
i know i will. somehow, i know i will.
8:24 AM
12.10.2004
aimee and i have made an exciting and scary decision that i want to share with you. we have decided that she will be staying home with shaun starting in january. this comes with significant financial burden (we will be about $600 short every month), but it will be worth it for the benefit to shaun and aimee (and daddy). aimee is worried about money and whether this is the right thing to do - oh, and the whole career thing too!
those who pray, would you pray for us - and aimee especially for peace in the midst of a scary decision? thanks.
9:00 AM
12.06.2004
aimee and i found a really fun house that we looked at this weekend. it has 5 bedrooms and two garage apartments and it has a carport with a big deck on top! it is awesome and great for communal living, but there will have to be some financial miracle to make it all happen - we are so dang broke! there is a down payment to come up with, people that will move in and pay rent, renovations that need to happen up front and along the way....a lot of stuff - please pray for that miracle!!
here is a picture...
10:45 AM
